I can hear the Doctor/River fans now. "Oh it's just because she's not Rose." I can't tell you how many times I've heard that utter bollocks. Just hush that part of your mind and hear me out.
Now, I'm honest enough to say that the relationship with the Doctor and Rose had something to do with my revelation, but NOT in the sense you might think. I do NOT mean "Not Rose = BAD". Trust me, if I was someone who believed that the Doctor and Rose were the OTP and the Doctor is not allowed to have any other relationships, I wouldn't be the hard-core Doctor/Charley or Doctor/Romana shipper I am. The Doctor has loved before Rose, and he will love again now that she's gone.
The only way the Doctor and Rose are connected to my opinion in any way is that watching them again made me remember what a proper relationship with the Doctor can be, and it made me see where his relationship with River is lacking.
Two things spring instantly to mind: Trust and partnership.
You CAN NOT have a relationship without these two things. Well, you can, but it would be a deeply unhealthy relationship. And what is the Doctor and River's relationship based on? Lies, for one. "The Doctor lies", "I lied", etc. There will never be a time when these two can be honest with each other, just on the basis of how their relationship works. Every time they meet, one of them will be lying to the other. And in some cases, they seem to enjoy lying to each other. Good, solid relationships do not blossom from these roots.
There's a lot of talk about trust, but I don't really see much evidence of it. Both of them will claim to trust the other, but that trust only seems to last as long as the other person is doing what they approve of. As soon as the Doctor does something River doesn't want him to do, she will manipulate him into doing what she wants. The Doctor likewise manipulates River into doing what he wants when she strays from his chosen path of action. They do not trust each other. River trusts that he won't kill her or knowingly get her killed, but I can say that about a lot of people. It doesn't mean I'm in a relationship with them.
That's not to say this distrust isn't understandable, mind you. He has no idea which River he'll encounter next, and whether or not she'll try to kill him or get him killed, and River spent her entire childhood being brainwashed into killing the Doctor. So, yeah, it's understandable that they don't trust each other, but it's not the basis of a healthy relationship. I think the only relationship that's less healthy than Doctor/River is Doctor/Master. And that's saying something.
That's also not to say that the Doctor never lied to Rose or manipulated her, or tricked her. He did do that a couple of times. However, it happened so infrequently. The Doctor only ever did so when she was in the deepest danger where being with him would kill her and arguing with her to go and leave him to an uncertain fate would take too long. Otherwise, she was his trusted partner through thick and thin, even when separated. Watch the end of The Satan Pit again. The Doctor risks killing himself and everyone else based on one thing alone: his faith in Rose. He had utter, unwavering faith that wherever Rose was, she was going to work out a way to make sure his gamble paid off. And she did. She was his partner, through and through. He trusted her, she trusted him, and they worked incredibly well as a team because of it.
See those two words? TRUSTED PARTNER. As much as River is an exciting and fun partner-in-crime, someone you can flirt with while fighting aliens, (and maybe have some hot, adrenaline-fueled sex after) a true relationship with her just isn't there. And from what it seems, it won't be there until the very, very end, and even then she'll be holding back the truth until the day she dies. Literally the day she dies. Even then she has to hide things from him, lying by omission.
Again, like I said, it's understandable behavior, and with the whole Laws of Time some of the lying has to happen, but it's not the basis for a relationship. It just seems like they're having a "relationship" because the script says they're in a relationship, not because they're actually in love. The Doctor especially seems like he's going through the motions.
To summarize, a true relationship requires trust and partnership, and the Doctor and River display neither, despite River's protestations that she trusts him completely.
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